Less of a Woman

Our final follow up Thursday with Emma's new pediatrician (and GI doc) was, I'd say, a good one. She's up to 11 lbs 2 oz, almost a pound and a half more than when we started this journey a mere 5 1/2 weeks ago. It's been a crazy one at that, filled with uncertainty and worry. What else would it be filled with if you had a seemingly perfect, happy baby that was "failing to thrive"?

As I've written in past posts on Emma's diagnosis and what we've found since then, it was all me. My milk wasn't what she needed. I wasn't able to give her what she needed. It's more than enough for a mother to feel like a failure...

But I don't. In fact, I feel the opposite. I feel like breastfeeding is such a minute part of what I do for her as her mother. I feel like more of a mother that we stuck this out and found out exactly what she needed. And it makes me feel even more motherly that I am able to take the next step with no hesitation:

Emma is now exclusively formula fed.

It really wasn't a hard decision. In fact, it was one of the easier ones we've made when it comes to Emma. I'm blessed to have been able to nurse her for the first 6 months of her life, even if the last 2 months have been along with formula. I loved the experience and the bond that it made between Emma and me, but my #1 goal is to do what's best for my daughter. At this point, that is load her up with "steak and potatoes" ;)

It was actually my suggestion to the doctor that she go on only formula since my milk has very little fat. His reaction? "Well, if it won't make you feel like less of a woman, I think that's best." My initial response was laughter and a confident "no" but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that for some women, that would make them feel lesser. I imagine in the olden days before Similac and Enfamil, if you couldn't provide breastmilk for your baby, you were looked at as a failure in some way. That's ridiculous! There's nothing wrong with a woman if the only thing she's not able to give her child is milk from her boobs. God has created us all in his own image...meaning we are all perfect. Perfection in God's eyes may not be perfection in ours, but God has a plan for everything that we are. God is the one that made people smart enough to be able to come up with a way to give babies the nutrients they need, and then some, aside from their mother's milk.

I have a new respect for women who choose not to nurse, whether it's by choice or not. You are no less a woman than anyone else! We are all just doing what is best for our children, whether that's giving milk from a bottle or a boob.

Rory and I aren't necessarily looking forward to the expense of going to straight formula, but if it means our daughter will continue to grow healthy and strong, there's no expense too great.

So for now, it's the new task of finding a formula that she's good with, which is easier said than done. She's been on one kind for the last 2 months but it's been mixed with breastmilk so I think that has helped her take it easily. Now that she's straight formula, her tummy is having to readjust, which means more frequent clothing changes and wearing a bib almost permanently lol. She doesn't have reflux but we may have to try out some sensitive formula to see if it helps her adjust easier. Parenting is a life-long lesson on going with the flow and Rory and I are rolling with it pretty well, I'd say :)

Hope everyone has a wonderful last weekend of September!

God bless!